so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
