I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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