i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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