i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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