Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
