I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
