3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
