I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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