I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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