I hate your face
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
