if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
