garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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