i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dicks are not precious.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
