i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
