So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
