I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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