You smell like stripper and shame
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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