Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
