we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
