i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
