how can u be prego again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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