So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
