I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
