Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
