dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
