all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
