I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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