i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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