i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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