May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
