Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
