No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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