I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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