I wish I only lived at night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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