Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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