Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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