hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
