watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
