Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
