i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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