so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
