Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
