Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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