When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
