yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
