I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
