dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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