There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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