Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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