why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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