hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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