"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
