I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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