i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
