I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
