i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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