We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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