your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
