the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
