Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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