If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
