Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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