he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
