Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
