Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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