Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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