i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
