i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
