He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
