No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize