??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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