I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sext me about skeletons
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
