you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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