I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
