you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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