my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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