When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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