I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize