did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
